I find out my life is dull and a bit useless right now. I don't know it is because I have no challenging to do lately, my thesis is stuck, or I am quite envious with others' achievement. Hell yes! I feel like I am so far left behind by my friend.
See, let's check the first case. I don't have much thing to do right now. I don't have class no more, I meet my friends seldom, and all I just do almost every day is teaching in a course place. Okay, I like teaching there, but honestly, I don't love it. Teaching is not my thing, I am not really into it. I don't really like being in a classroom, surrounded by many ignorant and filthy children who think they are not idiot. Gosh....
Second of all, my thesis is quite in a dead-end for now. Since I had to go to Semarang for attending that debate competition as an adjudicator which, although great, dismissed my chance to have my first seminar done earlier. Now, the last examiner to go is still in Grogot, and i have to wait for next week to have my proposal examined by him. What a long, terrible waiting to do....
Last, when other people achieve what they dream: Habul goes to states, Mba Ayu works in a bank, Mr Malik gets promoted as permanent staff, and someone is married out there, well, I am here, nothing. I may make an excuse, I am still dealing with thing. However, it is so terrible that I feel lost. I am going nowhere. I am scared of my own path and future.
Feel like old person in my youth (I am still 21!) :(
Wish I could have something to chase, not likely this would happen to me. I need recharge, for passion and patience. I need to rebirth, now and then. Well, the end of this month will be a start for Ramadhan. May I get enlightenment in that holy month....
